Children are often faced with challenging situations which can easily cause distress. Emotional control is critical to helping them complete tasks, achieve goals, and manage their behavior despite these obstacles. This ability may vary by setting (e.g., being able to remain calm in public, but throwing frequent tantrums at home), which is common but a key sign that continuing to build emotional control skills is needed.

Signs Your Child Struggles with Emotional Control

If your child has difficulty with any of the following areas (organized by grade level), they may have emotional control challenges:

Preschool/Kindergarten

  • Quickly recovering from changes in plans and disappointments
  • Avoiding physical confrontations when a toy is taken by another child
  • Playing in groups without becoming overstimulated

First-Third Grade

  • Receptive to criticism
  • Managing “unfair situations”
  • Adjusting behaviors to different settings (e.g., indoor vs. outdoor)

Fourth-Fifth Grade

  • Managing losing in games or sports
  • Handling not getting what they want when in a group
  • Navigating teasing without losing their temper

Sixth-Eighth Grade

  • Adjusting behavior based on the reactions of others
  • Anticipating outcomes and preparing for potential disappointment
  • Appropriately asserting their needs (e.g., asking for help in class)

Strategies to Address Emotional Control Challenges

The following strategies can be implemented to help your child if they struggle with emotional control:

  • With young children, manage the environment by implementing routines
  • Avoid situations in which your child is likely to become activated and remove them from the situation if they start becoming overstimulated 
  • Brainstorm strategies with your child for what they can do if they become overwhelmed prior to the situation
  • Work on coping strategies (e.g., listening to music, deep breathing, etc.)
  • Develop scripts that your child can say to themselves when faced with challenging situations (e.g., “Even though this is hard, I know I can do it if I keep going or ask for help”)
  • Read stories together which feature characters overcoming challenges. Children’s librarians are a great resource for suggestions

By following these strategies, you can help your child overcome their emotional control challenges and reach their potential.

Reference:

Dawson, P., & Guare, R. (2009). Smart but scattered. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.