A number of situations can trigger an anger outburst, but the underlying explanation is not having our expectations met. Often these expectations were not realistic or attainable, leaving us more predisposed to anger. Unrealistic expectations can be grouped into the following categories:

Expectations for Yourself

  • Physical endurance and performance (e.g., not being able to run as fast or lift as much weight as you used to)
  • Intellectual and task pursuits (e.g., not receiving the grade or result on a task you expected)
  • Time and speed (e.g., not accomplishing a task quickly enough or being late)
  • Success and failure (e.g., you are always trying to achieve more than what is possible)

Expectations for Others

  • Social etiquette (e.g., someone else is rude to you)
  • Intimacy (e.g., your significant other does not pay enough attention to you)
  • Fairness (e.g., someone does not return a favor)
  • Intrusion (e.g., your neighbors are overly noisy)

Expectations for the World

  • Electronics and Machines (e.g., your car breaks down)
  • Organization (e.g., your workplace is disorganized)
  • Activities (e.g., your travel plans do not go as planned because your flight is delayed)
  • Weather (e.g., it rains when you planned to go to a baseball game)

By understanding how your expectation was unrealistic, you can work to set more realistic expectations for the future.

Reference:

Nay, W.R. (2014). The anger management workbook. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.