Technology has many wonderful and important uses. If you’re reading this post, you’re using technology after all! Technology use can also be a problem though, and if your child is glued to a screen every time you see them, the following strategies can help.
Ideal and Reverse Hierarchies
In the ideal hierarchy, parents and teachers are at the top. Below these people are the child, and below them is their three main responsibilities and privileges: home (responsibility), school (responsibility), and fun (privilege). In the reverse hierarchy, screens are at the top, followed by your child, with parents and teachers at the bottom. Obviously, this scenario is a problem!
Changing Behavior
Behavior can be changed through four paths:
- Reward-doing or giving the child something they want to increase positive behaviors (e.g., buying your child a toy they want after they do well on their report card). Rewarding your child produces the strongest long-term effects.
- Punishment-doing or giving the child something they don’t like to decrease poor behavior (e.g., lecturing your child for running in the house). This is the strategy many parents rely on, but it really is not very effective. Children generally find ways to engage in the poor behavior while developing ways to not get caught.
- Response Cost -taking away something your child wants to decrease poor behavior (e.g., taking away a toy after your child refuses to share it with their sibling). This strategy is not as effective as rewarding your child but will come to play an important role as well.
- Relief-taking away something your child doesn’t like to increase positive behavior (e.g., you tell your child you will stop yelling at them once they begin their homework). This strategy is not that effective either. We are more likely to seek out pleasure than avoid pain.
A Plan For Your Child
As mentioned above, you are primarily going to focus on rewards and response cost. Being able to use electronics will serve as the primary reward, but you should encourage your child to come up with other items or experiences they can earn (e.g., going to the trampoline park or renting a movie). Together you and your child should work to identify what tasks can earn rewards (e.g., completing homework or taking the dog out). It is very important that your child does not have access to these rewards without earning them. Just to emphasize this again, the only time your child should be using electronics is if they earned that time. If they need electronics for school, you should sit with them to monitor that they are on task.
Response cost comes into effect when your child refuses to get off electronic devices when their earned time is up. Initially, you should ignore any complaining or resistance and calmly remind your child that their time is up. If they persist, you may need to tell them to take a few minutes to cool off. Unfortunately, your child may continue to protest. At this time, you should calmly let them know that they’re not showing they can handle screen time right now and won’t have access to it for a set period of time. This length of time should be commensurate with their response and how frequently this behavior occurs (e.g., multiple days if they really lose control). Hopefully the problematic behavior will end here, but if your child’s behavior continues to escalate to the point of violence, you should seek help from professionals immediately. If your child is threatening to harm themselves or others you should bring them to the hospital.
Unfortunately, following these steps will not always be easy. Your child has likely been used to relatively unlimited access to screen time, so the change will be hard for them (and you) initially. If you stick with these steps though, you and your child will regain control of your lives and hopefully improve your relationship in the process.
Reference:
Dilley, J. (2015). The game is playing your kid: How to unplug and reconnect in the digital age. Minneapolis, MN: Bascom Hill Publishing Group.